oh my word
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real motherhood. real marriage. real life.
I Lost My Toothbrush
Posted on February 11th, 2016


So, my youngest daughter enjoys a toothbrush.  Not so much the brushing of teeth with said brush...more of a fetish really.  She likes to locate toothbrushes and "brusha teef!".  Which means she sucks on them, drops them on the floor, picks them up again, leaves them on tables and counters and changing tables and toys, finds them again after eating a snack, sucks a little more, rolls them in dirt, and whathaveyou.  And she doesn't discriminate.  Any toothbrush will do.  Hers.  Yours.  MINE.

This is what I'm thinking has happened to my toothbrush because it wasn't where it was supposed to be this morning.

And I know what you're thinking.  Put them all out of her reach.  You, my reader, are smart!  I've actually thought of this, but here's the thing...

Motherhood.
Is.
Crazy.
Hard.

I know I just took a leap there, but stick with me.  Here's just a glimpse of what occurs in a mom's brain between the thought of a good idea and the follow through of that idea...enjoy a journey through my thoughts...
I should really gather up all the toothbrushes and hide them from Emerson.

Toddler: "Uh oh!"

Crap.  Someone just spilled their milk on the couch cushion.  I should really stop letting people have drinks on my furniture.

1st Grader: "MOM!!!! EMERSON'S IN MY ROOOOOOOOOOM!"

Sigh.  "SHUT YOUR DOOOOOOOR!"  Great, we're out of paper towels.  I should really go to the store because I know we are also down to two squares of toilet paper.

Text from a Student: "Mrs. Kennon, can you explain to me what being a highly qualified teacher means real quick?  Also, you haven't sent my corrected resume back.  Just reminding you..."

Sister, that cannot be explained "real quick".  That resume!  I keep forgetting to do that!  I should really bring my work to-do list home with me.

Text from Another Student: "Mrs. Kennon, are you going to observe me this week?  Because we have five field trips, two benchmark tests, and a Valentine's party all scheduled for Tuesday so you can't come then."

Argh.  I've got to check with John to see if he can pick up the girls next week on Wednesday so I can go see students.  I have GOT to schedule that.  Also, WHY did I give out my cell number???

1st Grade Mommas Group Text: "Can someone send a pic of the spelling list for the week?  My kid left his at school again."

CRAP!  Spelling. "CARSON, get off the iPad and do your spelling homework!!!"

1st Grader: (Wails despondently.) "MOOOOOOM!  I haven't even had my SNACK YET!"

(((EYEROLL!)))

Toddler: "Momma!  Momma!  I singasong!  B-I-N-G-O!"

I hate that dog.  What a stupid song. "There was a farmer had a dog..."

Text from Husband: Need anything from town for dinner tonight?

Gah!  Dinner!  They are always wanting to eat!  Every day!  Annoying. "No, I have frozen pizza."

1st Grader: "Mom, my spelling sheet says you have to dress up like a princess, and act out my spelling words like we are in a Disney movie.  But you have to use an accent.  You can't just be normal.  And you have to sing it opera-style.  OR we could drive around and find our spelling words in print around town.  Which one do you think?"

Spelling is overrated.  I should just teach her to use spell-check.

Toddler: "Mom!  Mom!  I singasong!  B-I-N-G-O!"

(((EYEROLL.)))  You know other songsssss! 

Text from Student: "Are you in your office?"

READ THE SYLLABUS!!!!!!!!!!

Toddler: (Loud Crash) "Uh oh."

Crap.

1st Grader: "Mom!  Are you ready?!  Spelling!"

Toddler: "B-I-N-G-O!  Mom!  Mom!  I singasong!  Mom!"

Phone Rings: "Mrs. Kennon, you have dry cleaning that still hasn't been picked up..."

Text From my Sister: "Facetime?! :) :) :)"

What was I about to do again???
So, now you see.  I suffer from Mom Brain.  The time between inception of an idea and execution is a little...full.  This is the reason I'll probably find my toothbrush in a Barbie's hair this afternoon (or next week) and also the reason we always need paper towels in my house.

And it's super cute when people suggest things like, "Give yourself some down time!  Drink a cup of tea!" or "There's an app for lists that has changed my life!" or "Have you had your quiet time today?"  "You know, I deleted my Facebook and I've never been happier."  "Hire a babysitter and go do something for you."  All completely well-meaning advice, I know! 

But...no.

...honest to goodness.  No.

Because the thing is...it's just hard.  Even with all of the conveniences we have, and apps, and even with a supportive and helpful husband and extended family.  Even with all of the organization I do have.  Even when I do find time to sit and pray or read my bible.  Even when I do steal a few minutes to drink a cup of coffee without interruption.  Even when I do put my phone down and remember to be present.  Even when I am covered in prayer.  Even with all of this, it's hard.

Motherhood is the hardest thing I've ever done.  Ever. 

It's hard in every way.  Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.  I do it well.  I do it badly.  I have winning days and I have days I'd love to hit the "do-over" button on.  Some moments are brilliant and the very next moments bring me to my knees.  Some days (most days) I adore motherhood.  Other days (hang on to your seats, my friends, I'm about to say it)...I despise it.  It feels too hard.  Too much.  Too heavy.  Too important.  I feel inadequate.

I've been struggling lately and I figure someone else might be, too.  Here's what I've been thinking and praying a lot lately, and I thought maybe you could join me...

"GOD!  Where are you?!  HELP ME!"

Were you expecting a deep, profound prayer?  Nope.  Not here.  I'm fresh out of those.  I utter the words, "Jesus!  Help!" about 17,000 times a day lately.  Sometimes it's a gentle whisper and other times it's a (literal) yell (or "crell", if you will...wink wink).  I'm trying to bathe myself in Truth, even when I am having a hard time believing it.  (((I know, I said it.  Boom.  What?!)))  Sometimes my faith grows small.  Sometimes this Church Girl struggles with accepting Truth.  I doubt.  I flail around wondering where God is.  I even get frustrated at God.  I know the answers because I know the Truth.  But sometimes, if I'm being honest, I have to TELL myself that I believe them, knowing that I'll catch back up to Truth eventually.

I've made a list, in case you need to tell yourself you believe these things, too.  It's also what I've been reciting lately when I start believing the lies being whispered in my ear.  I'm reading Fervent (by one of my author BFF's Priscilla...last name, Shirer, for those of you not on a first-name basis with her), a book about prayer inspired by the movie War Room.  She talks about the Enemy's attacks on us...that they aren't just general missiles, aimed at Christians (or really, anyone) as a whole, striking whomever is in the vicinity.  No, ma'am.  His attacks are cunning, and sharp, and ruthless and absolutely personally tailored to each of us specifically.  He knows our weak points and makes his battle plan aimed at them.  He knows exactly where his fatal blows will hit.  Spiritual warfare is real, people!  And Mommas trying desperately to disciple and love their Little People are some of his favorites!  Man, I'm feeling his attacks lately.  Hard and calculated. 

Here's how I'm fighting back (even when I don't feel I can believe it):

He is near. {Zephaniah 3:17}
He gently leads the Mommas of Littles. {Isaiah 40:11}
He thinks about me...a lot. {Psalm 139:17-18} {Isaiah 49:16}
He goes before me and will not abandon me. {Deuteronomy 31:8}
He fights for me! {Exodus 14:14} {Psalm 46}
He loves me. {1 John 4:16}
He wants to give me good gifts. {Matthew 7:11}
His promises can be trusted. {Joshua 21:45}
He will deliver me.  He is my rescuer & refuge.  {Isaiah 46:4} {Psalm 61}
He will crush the enemy under me! {Romans 16:20}
He will show me what to do. {Isaiah 30:21}
His grace is sufficient. {2 Corinthians 12:9}
His burden is light. {Matthew 11:30}

Lord, this post is mostly for me and hopefully for someone else.  I need You every second.  I cannot take even one step without You holding my hand.  I feel the weight of this calling You've given to me as a Mom.  It's very real and very overwhelming.  Would you remind me that I am not in charge?  I do not have to do this alone.  Lord, be near to the Mommas!  Drown out the voice of the Enemy so that I can hear Your whisper.  Let me discern Your voice above the noise of life, God.  Speak to my heart.  Show me who You are.   Remind me to lean in when all I want to do is flee.  Holy spirit, remind me of the Power I can call upon in battle.  Fight for me, that I might shout Your name and bring You glory, alone. Amen.

I'm praying for you, Momma Warriors!  May you feel His presence today!
And also, may you remember to grab a toothbrush when you are at the store. 
Let it be, Lord.  Let it be.


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9 Comments

Felecia Stout - February 11th, 2016 at 1:08 PM
I JUST read this verse this morning and it brought me so much comfort. Because, well, she's 13 and on her way to high school!! One moment I rock this things and the next, she and I scream and cry all the way to school. She thinks she knows EVERYTHING because she's 13. Let's just say I want to call my mom and apologize, because, well I was 13 once too!
"If we are faithless He will remain faithful for He cannot disown Himself." 2 Timothy 2:13
So thankful for this truth!! He is good despite my shortcomings!
Love ya girl!!
Linds - February 11th, 2016 at 4:38 PM
OH my word...please take good notes for me on the Teenage Years so that when I'm where you are you can help me! I have thought the same...how awful I was to my mother (when I knew nothing but thought I knew everything!) Thank you for adding to my arsenal of scripture, my sweet Gospel friend! Amen! Love you back!
Brenda Lynne Hopkins - February 11th, 2016 at 2:02 PM
Absolutely spot on. I remember those days ! I'm so glad you wrote this. Going to share it for those who are in this place in their luvesz
Linds - February 11th, 2016 at 4:40 PM
Thank you for sharing! I so appreciate that! And thank you for remembering...us Mommas need our Mommas to remember! My own mom is very good about being empathetic because she lets herself remember. I think sometimes, it's easier for moms who are out of this stage to offer well-meaning suggestions without pausing to think about what it was like. I know you are so encouraging to April as well. Love you!
Carla - February 11th, 2016 at 6:07 PM
Thank you for being so real and honest. Yes, I too remember those days, but I do know one truth for you--it will pass and you will survive! Hang in there Lindsey, they will be grown too fast!
- February 12th, 2016 at 1:51 PM
Thank you for the encouragement, Mrs. Carla! You are a Titus Woman for me (and I'm sure others!)
Heather - February 11th, 2016 at 9:19 PM
Amen Sister!! Whoooosh! It is a very hard job, but I love it! Right now as I am trying to read this 3 voices are calling me to read a book, turn off a light, and just 'mommy, mommy, mommy, MOMMY!" for whatever reason! So I will rush through this and hope all is spelled correctly thought it probably isn't!
Linds - February 12th, 2016 at 1:52 PM
Mommy Super Powers! Good grammar AND multitasking! :)
Linda - May 18th, 2017 at 4:37 PM
Love it only you can put it in words my little friend. I have always been your fan. Love you!
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